Life doesn't always go the way we planned. Sometimes, something big happens a death, an illness, a breakup, losing a job and it shakes us. It can leave us feeling lost, confused, or stuck. In these moments, it's normal to ask, What should I do with my life?
A nurse named Bronnie Ware spent many years caring for people during their final chapter of life. While helping them, she also listened deeply. These people shared honest thoughts about their lives what brought them joy, and what they wished they had done differently.
Here's what many of them said:
These words are not just for people at the end they're for the rest of us, too. They remind us that even in hard times, we can still choose what comes next. We can change. We can grow. And we can still find meaning and peace.
This article is here to help you think through some of life's hardest moments. Whether you're grieving, starting over, facing illness, or just feeling unsure, you're not alone. Let's take it one step at a time and talk about what you can do when life feels heavy or unclear.
What This Guide Will Do
We will look at different tough situations that can make you ask, "What should I do with my life?" There are many reasons why life can feel this way, and each one brings its own kind of hurt. You don't have to read everything. If one section speaks to what you're going through, feel free to start there.
Here are the topics this guide will cover:
For each one, we'll talk about why it hurts so much and what feelings are normal to have. Sometimes, just knowing that what you're feeling is okay can make a little bit of difference. We'll also talk about small, simple steps you can take to start feeling a little bit better, one day at a time.
When Someone You Deeply Love Dies
(A parent, a spouse, a close friend. When they go, your world changes.)
If you are reading this, you are probably carrying a kind of pain that feels too big for words. The kind of pain that sits in your chest like a rock and does not let you breathe easily. When someone you love deeply dies, it is not just sad. It is life-changing. They were part of your daily thoughts, your memories, your plans. And now they are not. That kind of loss does not just hurt your heart. It changes how the world feels. Colors might look dull. Food might lose its taste. Laughter might feel far away. Everything feels different, because everything is different.
Let us start with something simple and true:
Grief is not a problem you need to solve. It is not something you are supposed to "get over". Grief is a wound. And like any wound, it needs time, care, and gentleness. It is a sign that you loved deeply, and that love does not just stop when a person is gone.
Remember, this journey of grief is yours, and you don't have to walk it alone. Be kind to yourself, take one tiny step at a time, and hold onto the love you shared. That love never truly goes away.
Grief is not one feeling. It is a storm of many. Sometimes they hit you one at a time, sometimes all at once. You might feel fine one day, and the next day, you feel like you are falling apart. That is normal. Grief does not follow rules. Here are some common feelings you might recognize:
You might feel all of these. Or some of them. Or others not listed here. Your grief is your own, and it is okay to feel whatever you feel.
Grief does not only live in your heart. It lives in your body too. You might notice:
These body symptoms are not a sign that something is wrong with you. They are a sign that your whole self is working hard to handle the loss. Be gentle with your body. It is grieving too.
People talk about five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These can be helpful words, but they are not steps you climb like a ladder. You do not pass one and never go back. Grief moves more like waves. One day might be calm, and the next might knock you over again.
You might move through all these feelings. Or not. You might jump around between them. There is no wrong way to grieve. Your path is your own.
Grief cannot be "fixed," but there are things that can make it easier to carry:
At first, grief feels like darkness with no light at all. But with time, tiny lights appear. A laugh you did not expect. A moment of peace. A memory that makes you smile more than cry. These do not mean you are forgetting. They mean you are healing.
You may find comfort in:
These are ways to carry love forward. They are signs that your relationship with them is not over. It is simply different now.
If you feel stuck in deep sadness for many months, if you cannot function, if life feels meaningless, you may be experiencing complicated grief. This is not your fault. It just means you need more support. Please talk to a counselor, doctor, or grief specialist.
If the death was sudden, violent, or due to suicide, the grief may feel even harder. You might need special care to deal with trauma. This does not make you weak. It means your heart is carrying something very heavy. You deserve help.
Some people will not know what to say. That is okay. If you feel up to it, let them know what helps:
Not everyone will respond well. But some will. And their kindness will be part of your healing.
It is okay to laugh again. It is okay to smile. It does not mean you are moving on. It means you are moving forward. You are not leaving them behind. You are carrying their love with you into a new chapter.
You are not alone. This pain, this love, this story you shared, it matters. And even now, in your sorrow, there is hope.
When You Receive a Serious Illness Diagnosis
(A moment that can feel like the ground disappears beneath your feet)
Getting news that you have a serious illness is one of those moments that splits life into a "before" and an "after." You might remember exactly where you were, what the doctor said, what the room smelled like. Or you might remember nothing at all, because the shock took over.
This kind of news can shake everything, your plans, your sense of safety, your future. It brings a flood of feelings that do not always make sense. That is okay. You are not expected to have it all together. You are allowed to fall apart for a while.
When you are diagnosed with a serious illness, you may feel like a storm has broken loose inside you. Here are some feelings that often come and go:
All of these feelings are valid. You are not weak or broken. You are reacting in a human way to something very difficult.
Being seriously ill often means saying goodbye to parts of your life you once took for granted:
This kind of grief is real. It might come in waves, and it might take time. Give yourself permission to mourn your old life. That is a brave and healthy part of facing your new one.
A serious illness affects more than just your body. It touches everything. You might worry about:
These worries are normal. They may feel heavy. Take them one step at a time. You do not have to figure everything out all at once.
After a diagnosis, you may notice every little ache or pain. You might worry that something else is wrong or that the illness is getting worse. This is called health anxiety, and it is common. Talking to your doctor or a counselor about these worries can help you feel calmer and more in control.
A serious illness can shake your sense of self. If you were very active, if your work was a big part of your life, or if you saw yourself as strong and independent, you might now feel unsure about who you are.
This is normal. Finding a "new normal" takes time. You are still you, even if life looks different now. Your story is still being written.
You may not be able to change your diagnosis, but there are small things you can do to feel more steady:
Get Good Information:
Talk About Your Feelings:
Let People Help You:
Take Care of Your Body:
Focus on What You Can Control:
Choose small things, watching a favorite movie, calling a friend, making a cup of tea.
Set Small Goals:
Shower, read a page, or make a phone call. Every small win matters.
Talk Openly with Your Care Team:
Prepare for Physical Changes:
Finding New Paths: Life Can Still Have Good Things
Even now, life can hold joy, love, and meaning. Here are ways to begin finding them:
You Are Not Your Illness:
You are still yourself. The illness is just one part of your life.
Celebrate Small Joys:
A kind message, a sunny day, a moment of peace, all of these count.
Focus on Abilities:
What can you still do? Art, music, prayer, conversation, these things still belong to you.
Find Meaning in New Ways:
Connect with Others:
Join a support group. It helps to talk to people who truly understand.
Let Yourself Grieve:
Feel the sadness. This is a natural part of moving forward.
Hold Onto Hope:
Hope is not just about a cure. Hope is finding ways to live well today. Hope is looking for light, even in small things.
When You Go Through a Divorce or Major Breakup
(When the life you built with someone else suddenly falls apart)
A divorce or major breakup is one of the most painful emotional experiences a person can go through. It can feel like your heart is being pulled apart, like the home you knew is now just a memory. Whether you were together for a few years or most of your life, the end of a close relationship shakes your sense of safety, identity, and future.
You are not just losing a partner. You are losing shared dreams, routines, memories, even future holidays and plans. It can feel like you have to start over from scratch, but without the energy or confidence to know where to begin.
This kind of loss comes with many feelings. You may feel just one, or you may feel them all in waves:
Whatever you feel is valid. There is no “right” way to grieve a breakup.
Breakups are not just emotional. They affect every part of your life:
Even if you were the one who chose to leave, there can still be grief. Let yourself feel the loss without judgment.
During and after a breakup, you may experience a mental tug-of-war. Part of you may believe you made the right choice, while another part longs for the person or questions your decision. This inner clash is called cognitive dissonance.
You might feel:
This mental discomfort is your brain trying to make sense of what feels like two truths clashing. You are not doing anything wrong. You are simply adjusting to a huge emotional change.
What helps:
Divorce or breakup becomes even more complex when children are involved. You may feel:
What helps:
These changes can be exhausting. You may feel like you are rebuilding your life one brick at a time. That is okay. You are doing something hard. Go slowly.
Talk to someone:
Create a new routine:
Remove triggers when possible:
Rebuild identity slowly:
Write your way through it:
Journaling can help you process what happened and what you need next.
Let yourself cry. Let yourself feel angry. Let yourself miss them, even if you know the relationship was not right for you.
Grieving is not weakness. It is how your heart makes space for healing.
A breakup can damage your confidence. You may think:
None of this is true. You were not too much. You were not too little. You were human, and relationships take two people to work.
Start reminding yourself:
Even if you do not believe these things now, saying them helps your mind learn new truths.
It may not feel like it, but joy will return. Slowly. Quietly. Then more brightly.
You will:
For now, just take it one step at a time. One meal. One shower. One call. That is how healing happens, not in giant leaps, but in quiet, stubborn steps.
You are still here. And your story is far from over.
When You Lose Your Job (Layoff or Termination)
(When your work ends suddenly and your identity feels shaken)
Losing your job, whether through layoff, firing, or a company shutting down, can be one of the most disorienting and painful experiences. Work is not just a paycheck. For many people, it is part of how they see themselves, how they plan for the future, and how they connect to others. When that ends, it can feel like the ground disappears under your feet.
Here are some of the common feelings you might have after losing your job:
These emotions are normal. They are your mind and body reacting to a sudden, major life change.
Losing a job often feels like more than just the loss of income. It affects:
It is a deep, layered loss. And it takes time to recover.
You might experience a confusing inner tug-of-war. Maybe you believed, "Hard work pays off," but now you are unemployed. That clash between belief and reality can cause mental discomfort.
This is cognitive dissonance. You might find yourself thinking:
This mental discomfort is not a sign of weakness. It is your brain trying to make sense of a world that suddenly changed. Let it be a signal to reflect, not to blame yourself, but to gently explore your beliefs and make peace with the new reality.
Here are a few steps that can help you begin to move forward:
Let your feelings out:
Cry, shout, talk, laugh, release emotions in a safe way. Bottling them up only adds pressure.
Talk to someone you trust:
A friend or family member can listen and help you feel less alone.
Ask key questions about your job loss:
File for unemployment or assistance:
Apply as soon as you can. It takes time, and it is okay to ask for help.
Review your finances calmly:
Look at your bills and savings. Make a simple budget to reduce anxiety.
Create a small daily routine:
Wake up at a set time, get dressed, and move your body. Routine builds strength.
Take a short break if possible:
If you can, give yourself a day or two to just rest. Let the news settle before you take action.
Challenge harsh self-talk:
Job loss is not a personal failure. Remember your strengths and past successes.
Job loss can hit your self-esteem hard. You might feel rejected or unimportant. But please remember:
Start telling yourself:
While painful, job loss can sometimes open a door. You might:
Ask yourself:
Even small volunteer or part-time jobs can build confidence, teach new skills, and lead to something more permanent.
If the sadness, fear, or shame becomes too heavy to carry, please talk to someone. A counselor, coach, or support group can help you sort through what you are feeling and find your next step.
You are not alone. You are not a failure. You are in transition.
You are still a whole person. Still worthy. Still becoming.
And this hard chapter is not the end of your story.
When You Face a Major Financial Crisis
(When money troubles take over your thoughts and shake your sense of safety)
A major financial crisis, like overwhelming debt, bankruptcy, losing your home, or being unable to meet your basic needs, can leave you feeling deeply afraid, ashamed, and stuck. It is not just about dollars and cents. It is about fear, survival, and the feeling that your whole life is falling apart.
Money touches every part of life. When it is suddenly gone or not enough, it can feel like everything is at risk:
These are real fears. And they deserve real care.
You are not weak for feeling this way. These reactions are normal when life feels financially unstable.
Financial stress does not just affect your thoughts. It lives in your body:
Taking care of your body, even in small ways, helps you feel more able to face the day.
If you were always taught to be responsible with money, or if you used to think, "I will never let this happen to me," your current situation might feel confusing and painful. That conflict between your old beliefs and your current reality is cognitive dissonance.
You may think:
This internal tug-of-war can create stress, guilt, and confusion. But it is also a chance to step back, reframe your beliefs with compassion, and remember: surviving is not failing.
When things feel overwhelming, focus on small steps:
Let your emotions come out:
Cry, talk, pray, journal, whatever helps you process the shock.
Talk to someone you trust:
Keeping it to yourself only makes the burden heavier. Speaking up helps lighten it.
Look honestly at your financial picture:
Make a simple plan or budget:
Ask for help:
Look into community resources:
Churches, local aid organizations, and government programs can help with food, utilities, rent, or job support.
Set tiny, achievable goals:
Make one call. Skip one unneeded purchase. List your bills.
Focus on what you can control:
Your next choice. Your mindset. How you care for yourself today.
Your situation may not improve overnight. But with time, effort, and help, it can get better. Many people have been where you are, and found their way out.
Here are a few longer-term ideas to consider:
Shame often keeps people from seeking help. But please remember:
This is not the end of your story. Many people have started over from bankruptcy, foreclosure, or total burnout, and gone on to build beautiful, stable lives.
You may:
You are not alone. You are not ruined. You are not finished.
You are still worthy of peace, stability, and joy. And you are not the only one who will rebuild from this.